Photo by Jose Aragones on Unsplash
Marriage is not easy. Can I get an Amen. I say that to those of us that are married and have been married for at least 6 months or more. Once you’ve been married for awhile and living together you come to realize how different you are from each other. The things that brought you together are often the things that now drive you nuts. You are different for a reason and we need to understand that. If we were the same what fun with that be?? We need to realize that we can use each other’s strengths to bring more impact to others around us and to each other. By being different we stretch each other.
Let me give you an example. I am the type of person that hates confrontation. I avoid it like I would avoid the plague so to speak. My husband however loves to confront issues and get them out on the table. Because I don’t like confrontation I tend to bottle things up. I know your thinking that is so unhealthy. I’m a work in progress and I have learned from my husband to speak up but I still tend to think before I speak. However, when we were first married I didn’t speak up. I would think and fester on things. Thankfully he would pick up that something was off and would continue to ask until I would finally talk to him about it. At first this was so hard and difficult.
Honestly I didn’t want to fight. I remember seeing my parents fights and didn’t want to repeat that. I was scared if we fought he would leave me. My parents had divorced and I was terrified of the thought of divorce. In fact we both came from homes that had divorced and we didn’t want to repeat the cycle. I wanted to break the curse. We had married and made a commitment to each other no matter what, yet I didn’t know how to communicate because it had never been modeled for me.
So God was gracious in matching me up to a person that would force me to talk. I would share my concerns and we would talk. No, we didn’t fight and we still don’t fight to this day. Now don’t go thinking we are perfect. Just because we don’t fight doesn’t mean we always agree on everything. I’m sure some people may think how can you never fight? Well let me first have you read a post I wrote previously on our Pearls of Wisdom. After you see the pearls we have used to live by, maybe you will understand a little; but there is so much more to us not fighting.
This week is a perfect example of how we are not perfect. My husband was going away with some men from church and I was going to be the one taking care of getting the kids to all their activities. To say that is easy, is not even close. We have three kids that are very active and managing their calendar of sports and other events is not easy. In addition we don’t have family to help out. So the day before he was leaving he had a work dinner meeting that ran late causing me to need to pick up my son which usually I didn’t have to do. Well I started to get upset and I let my mind go down a path that was not healthy. By the time it was bedtime and he still wasn’t home I was really upset. My youngest had gone to bed without saying goodnight to her Dad and he would be gone the next couple nights.
As I started to go to bed I began to pray. I knew that me being angry was not from God. All I could think in my mind is “For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.” James 3:16 I wanted things my way, I wanted, I wanted, I wanted. Yes, all I could do was think about what I wanted, what would make my life easier, what was easier. Instead my husband was working and providing for our family. He was planning a weekend away to have fellowship with other Godly men. Both of these things I know are good. Finally in my prayers I began to thank God for my husband. I thanked God for his work and that he has strong relationships with other Godly men. I thanked God that I was blessed with a man that loved God and his family. Amazingly when I took my eyes off from myself I was able to see my husband for the amazing man he is.
Today while my pastor was sharing about grace he used this verse “God resist the proud, But gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6 As I listened all I could do was think that God wants our marriages to be full of grace as well. He will humble those that seek him first. I realize that I could have stayed angry and spoke my mind when my husband got home. I also know I may have said some things I may regret. Instead I sought out God and when I did, he reminded me that strife and envy is not of Him. Now I can look back and hear the lies the enemy tried to speak about my husband. Thankfully I didn’t let the lies sink in, because they were exactly that, LIES!
I have talked with women that have complained about their husbands and they usually always wish they were different, more like themselves. Yet what they often forget is what attracted them to their husband are the things that they now wish to change. Instead of focusing on the good that their spouse does, they focus on what they don’t do. I began to do that myself but I’m so thankful that I was able to see through the lies and see the TRUTH.
God gave us grace and mercy when we make mistakes. Do we have grace with our spouse? God loves us for who we are, not the perfect person Jesus was. Do we love our spouse for who they are or are we trying to change them into who we want them to be? Grace looks at the other person and takes the focus off self? Are you wanting it your way or are you serving your spouse humbly?
My prayer with marriage is that we could have a more grace filled marriage. I pray that you would love your spouse for who God has created them to be. I pray that you would seek to serve and walk along side your spouse lifting them up. I pray that you would thank God for your spouse, knowing that as you thank God for them your seeing them as God sees them. My God bless your marriage during all times, good and bad. May you seek God first before you allow the lies of the enemy to creep into your life. Remember the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy and that includes marriage. Don’t allow the enemy to live in your home with strife and envy. God comes to bring life and to bring it abundantly, Amen.